Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Lost Stories: Andrea Carter and Trouble at the Lineshack 1

Guess what! I found an entire story that is different in many ways from what it ended up being in the real publishing world.

Here's the challenge. Each week I'll post a new "lost scene" from this story. I stole lots of things from this original story to create different books. Can you figure out where the different parts of these scenes ended up in other books?

Hint: Most of this first scene has never been seen before (I don't think so, anyway, so bear with me). Variations, however, have found their way into another book. Have fun! Leave your guesses in the comments. A new scene every Monday until I run out of story.




THE LOST STORIES: ANDREA CARTER AND TROUBLE AT THE LINESHACK
Lost Scene #1
A blast of hot summer air struck Andrea Carter directly in the face as she left the relative coolness of the house. She had been looking forward to a nice afternoon ride, but immediately the very thought of climbing onto a horse and galloping around under the fierce California sun made her reconsider.
“It’s too hot to ride,” she muttered to herself in disappointment. “I should’ve ridden early this morning before I got saddled with all those chores Mother found for me.” She pulled the strings of her hat forward, bringing the black felt riding hat onto her head. It afforded some protection from the glaring sun, but none from the heat.
The yard seemed deserted. A few ranch hands were lounging around, repairing their equipment, lazily brushing their horses, and in general trying to find a cool spot to rest. They gave her a half-hearted wave.
“Hot, ain’t it, Miss Andi?” one of the more energetic of the men remarked.
Andi smiled and returned the wave. She nodded, too drained to speak.
“Betcha it’s a hundred and ten in the shade,” came another comment. The young cowhand removed his hat and swiped a bandana across his sweaty brow.
Andi watched with interest as the man left his spot on the bunkhouse porch, made his way to the pump and trough, and plunged the bandana into the water. He squeezed out a generous portion of water, then tied the wet cloth around his neck.
“That’s a mite better.” He grinned. “That should last at least two minutes.” He returned to the porch.
“Why don’t you dunk your whole head in, Josh?” Andi wandered over to the trough and gazed into the now-still water. It was mighty tempting.
“Not a bad idea, gal.” Josh returned to the trough. He took off his hat and regarded his boss’s sister with a sly grin. “I will if you will,” he challenged.
Andi looked up. “You serious, Josh?”
One never knew when this youngest cowboy was teasing or in earnest. He was the only one of Chad’s hands nearest her own age, and it was refreshing to be called ‘gal’ or ‘kid’ or just plain ‘Andi’ rather than the ‘Miss Andi’, or worse—‘Miss Andrea’—that the rest of the ranch hands called her.
Even old Sid McCoy, the foreman, who had known Andi since she was a little girl, was always careful to call her ‘Miss.’ It made her feel old and prissy.
“Ain’t never been more serious in my life, kid,” Josh insisted. “How ’bout it?”
Andi removed her hat. She dropped it to the dusty ground, then placed both hands on the sides of the watering trough. “I’m ready whenever you are.”
“Josh,” Evan Leavitt warned from the porch, “you’re forgettin’ yourself. This ain’t the time to be foolin’ around.”
“It’ll only take a second.” Josh placed his own hands on the opposite side of the trough. “I’m so hot, you could fry eggs on my head.” He glanced at Andi. “We’ll see who can stay under the longest, okay?  One, two, three—”
At exactly the same moment, Andi and Josh plunged their heads deep into the tepid water of the Carter water trough. The shock of the cool water on her burning head coursed through Andi’s whole body like lightning, and she shivered. It felt so good! 
She wondered how long Josh would be able to stay under. She knew it would be only a matter of seconds before she would be forced to come up for air. Ten seconds more, she encouraged herself. Maybe fifteen. I can do this! Her lungs felt like bursting.
A rude jerk yanked Andi from the water and thrust her back into the heat of the afternoon. She whirled in surprise to see Josh’s wet head also drying in the sun. He looked sheepish.
And no wonder. The Carter’s foreman, Sid McCoy, stood glaring his disapproval. He let Andi go and turned to the young ranch hand. “Well, Josh,” he remarked. “You appear to have plenty of energy for tom-foolery this afternoon. There’s some miles of fence that need checking in the northeast section. Gather up your gear and head out.”
Josh’s jaw dropped. “Now?”
Sid nodded. “Now.” There was a subtle warning in the foreman’s voice.
Josh took the hint. He slicked back his wet hair and replaced his hat. “Sure thing, boss.” He turned to Andi. “It was a tie, I reckon.”
Andi wiped a drippy tangle of hair from her face. “I reckon.” She didn’t smile. Riding a fence line in this heat was the worst possible job on the ranch. The look on Josh’s face showed he was of the same mind. She watched him shuffle slowly towards the corral to get his horse.
“Well, Miss Carter,” Sid confronted her. “How would you like me to explain this to your brother?”
“Any way you like,” Andi answered carelessly. “What’s the harm?  It’s hot, and I’ve seen Chad do it countless times.” She glanced at the corral. “And that was awful mean, making Josh ride the fence line on a day like this, just ’cause he dunked his head.”
Sid folded his arms across his chest. “It’s no concern of yours how I deal with the men, young lady.” Then his expression softened. “You know, Miss Andi, you’re getting a bit too old to be playing these games. One of these days you’re—”
“You sound like my mother.” Andi pulled on one of her long, dark braids. Water streamed down in rivers.
Sid took Andi by her shoulders and forced her to look at him. “Your family’s been good to me. Your pa hired me when my wife died—and me with a three-year-old little girl too. I do believe that was the year you was born.” He scratched his chin. “For fifteen years I’ve worked on your ranch.”
This was an old story. Andi wished with all her heart that Sid had allowed his little girl to grow up on the ranch. She would have been only a few years older than Andi. But no, Sid had sent her away to school as soon as she was old enough to leave her father. A rough cabin is no way to raise a girl-child, he’d insisted.  
Ellen returned to visit every summer, but by the time Andi was old enough to look at the girl as a potential playmate, Ellen had attached herself to Melinda instead. She sighed. Young ladies, both of them!
“I mourned when your pa lost his life in that terrible accident at round-up time those eight years back. I’ve watched your brothers grow up into fine young men. Why! Justin’s a first-rate lawyer and Chad and Mitch have made this ranch prosper into one of the best spreads in this part of California. Your sister Melinda is one of this valley’s nicest and prettiest girls, and your mother is one of the most respected women around.”
Andi shrugged. She knew all this. “So?”
Sid sighed. “Miss Andi, you’ve got a family reputation to uphold. I’ve never once seen Melinda challenge your brother’s hired hands to roping contests or”—he  indicated the trough—“head-ducking contests, or any of the crazy notions that get into your head.
“And another thing. You’re too pretty to go around lookin’ like one of them no-account Hollisters. Your family’s got more money than anybody else in these parts. You could dress up occasionally. You ain’t a little girl anymore. Why!  You’re gettin’ t’ be nigh on a young lady, and a young lady has got to start actin’ like one.”
Andi frowned. “How much did my mother pay you to tell me this?”
Sid burst out laughing. “Nothin’!  Honest!” He waved his hand at her. “Jus’ look at yourself. The boss’s old overalls—”
“They’re not!”
“That ragged old shirt.” He picked up one Andi’s drenched braids. “Look at this. Young ladies do not wear their hair in pigtails.”
“But—”
Sid took a deep breath. “You’re like my own daughter, Miss Andi, and I’d tell her the same thing if she was here right now instead of finishing her last year at school in St. Louis. Girls goin’ on fourteen need t’ start lookin’ and actin’ like young ladies. They need to brush and comb their hair all purty to catch a beau.”
“I’m not interested in catching a beau.”
“Maybe not. But it don’t hurt none to practice occasionally. Why! If my Ellen was here, I’d be hard-pressed to tell who’s the cowhand’s daughter and who’s the landowner’s daughter. Ellen’s learned herself all kinds of things at that fancy school of hers. She writes me all the time. I read her letters, then look at you, trying to imagine my Ellen.”
“Oh, Sid! Stop it!” Andi burst out. “You talk worse than old Mrs. Evans and the other busybodies in town.”
Sid scowled. “Don’t you insult me by comparing me to those peahens!”
“Then quit nagging me about growing up.”
“Is that what I was doing?  I was only saying you maybe need to spend less time around this crude bunch of cowboys and more time at tea parties and other proper activities for ladies. Like Melinda does.”
“But how else am I going to learn how to rope and brand calves and flush out strays and—”
“I’m sorry, Miss Andi.” He tipped his hat politely. “I forgot myself for a minute. It ain’t my place to be telling you these things. That’s your ma’s job, or maybe Mr. Justin’s. I’m just an old cowhand who misses his only child more than he cares to admit.” He backed up a few steps. “Sometimes I slip and treat you like you was my Ellen. Forgive me, Miss Carter.”
Andi’s heart softened. “It’s all right, Sid. I’m just a little touchy with this particular subject lately. And really. I didn’t mean anything at the water trough. I’m sorry if I was bothering the men.” She pointed towards the barn. “I was on my way to the barn to see Taffy. I reckon I’d best get going.”
Sid gave Andi an affectionate pinch on her cheek. “Go along with you now. Ellen will be coming out for her usual two-week visit in a couple of weeks. She always likes visitin’ with the Family.”
Andi smiled. She was glad Sid had changed the subject. If he started bringing complaints to Chad about her hanging around with the cowhands, her days were numbered.
Mother had already spoken with Andi about the very same thing. She tried to make her daughter understand that it wasn’t possible to hang around and be considered ‘one of the hands’ anymore. If they treated her like one of their own, she would eventually get hurt. If they remembered she was not only a girl, but one of the Family, the men would get hurt trying to keep her out of danger.
No, Mother insisted, tagging along behind the ranch hands most definitely had to stop.
Andi sighed as she turned back to the barn. She was as hot as ever and in a rotten mood. Nothing was simple anymore. The summer was dragging by. Worse, there was only one more month of freedom before school started again. 
 

37 comments:

  1. Hey, Sid's daughter's name is Ellen! Let me guess..."Trouble with Treasure," and this was the original beginning. Just one question: was Katherine's name originally "Audra"? Is that why Sid says Andi's sister's name was Audra?
    Goody, goody...every Tuesday I'll be excited to read a new Lost Scene. Thanks SOOOOO much, Mrs. Marlow, for taking up the trouble of posting these scenes!
    BTW, "Caddie Woodlawn" is an excellent book. I'm still reading it...it's so long, which does well for me, for any other book I'd have finished in less than an hour. I've also seen some similarities between that and your books, such as "Andrea Carter and the Long Ride Home." :-)

    ~Ellen

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    1. Mostly it was a misprint, i.e. a typo. There are other anomalies throughout this old, OLD story. (Be on the lookout for a character named "Nora," briefly mentioned, who doesn't exist in the published versions.)

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  2. Oh! I recognize the heat and the head-dunking from Andrea Carter and the Trouble with Treasure! Just in that book, she's not at her ranch, and she's with her friends, not a ranch hand. Am I right?

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    1. Well . . . sort of. Read next week's installment. :-)

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  3. Sid McCoy's scolding Andi found it's way into Heartbreak Trail!

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  4. Uhh, what's that above where Sid says, "Your sister Audra is one of this valley’s nicest and prettiest girls" I didn't know Andi had a sister named Audra. ;)
    Just thinkin' you might wanna edit that.
    Nice story anyway.
    ~Hope

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    1. Like I said, this is an OLD story, and I mean old. Wait until you come to the part (in a few weeks) about Nora feeling terrible about what happened to her father's bank. The Nora character morphed into Johnny Wilson. You will find a lot of weird things. :-)

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    2. This Nora person morphed into Johnny Wilson?! Ha! You're makin' me laugh. :)
      Frankly, I can't imagine Johnny Wilson as a girl.
      ~Hope

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    3. It only means that instead of having a prissy banker's daughter (I guess it's better to say that Nora ended up as Virginia, the teacher's daughter) I decided to make the banker's kid a bully boy.

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  5. The head ducking bit was definitely similar to the scene from "Trouble with Treasure", Andi's thoughts on being called plain Andi, without the "miss" seems to appear in "The Last Ride" with Riley, I think Ty from "Thick as Thieves" used the line "no way to raise a girl-child", and Sid's rant absolutely comes out in "Heartbreak Trail" (Which I just finished reading again).

    Emily

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    1. Hey, that's pretty good. :-)
      Yes, the head-ducking contest with a cowhand got changed to a head-ducking contest between friends, which Andi did not participate in.
      See what you think next Tuesday. :-)

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  6. "Trouble with Treasure," and "Heartbreak Trail" were the ones I mostly saw similarity. From what Emily said, I can see things relating to "Thick as Thieves," and "The Last Ride" too.

    So excited for the next one, Mrs. M! How old are these stories anyways? And what is Nora's last name?
    ~Ella

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    1. Probably over twenty years old, LOL. There was one part (I cut it out) where people are asking how Andi's ankle is. Hmmm, and I couldn't remember what happened to her ankle. Well, if finally dawned on me that the book before this "Lineshack" book was Orphan Outlaw (AKA Thick as Thieves) but Andi is way younger. I should dig up some "lost scenes" from that book if I can . . . I mean, honestly! I used to have a really fun scene where Macy (her original name was Tilly) takes Andi into the saloon, and Andi ends up in a poker game and she wins the hand (with a full house). AUGH! And who is standing at her shoulder all of a sudden? Mitch. But I don't know where it is.

      And I cut it out of the published book because I didn't think it would be appropriate for a Christian kids book to include a scene about Andi playing poker in the saloon. She got dragged into it before she knew what she was doing.

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    2. Oh, Nora's last name was Wilson.

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    3. That is SO cool! Thanks!
      ~Ella

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    4. Haha! The story about Andi and Macy made me laugh!

      Thick as Thieves is an awesome book!
      ~Mia

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    5. One thing about the gambling story is that it shows that if you aren't careful you can be pulled into something before you realize it.

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  7. Ooh, I saw similarities with "Heartbreak Trail" (Sid giving Andi the lecture) and "Trouble with treasure", (The beginning of this story I recognize, and the head dunking portion). And I agree with Emily, above, as I noticed other "stolen" portions in "The Last Ride" and "Thick As Thieves."

    Thank you for sharing some more lost stories, I really enjoy them! :)

    -Sadie S.

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  8. This is the same Ellen who posted the first comment...

    Wow! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE (I think you get the point *wink*) all your stories of any sort, Mrs. Marlow--whether published or lost. I'm so excited (as you've probably already guessed LOL) about this whole lost-story-posting. Anyone with me :-)?
    So, if "Thick as Thieves" was originally called "Orphan Outlaw," and "Courageous Love" was originally "Shadows from the Past," what were the original titles of "Heartbreak Trail" and "The Last Ride"? Also, did it ever make you sad when you worked hard on something and then had to cut that scene out from the book? I know that sometimes I write a story, then realize I could have made a certain scene go a little better than what it had turned out to be, but I don't redo it because I worked so hard on it. I need all the writing tips I can get, as someday I want to publish a book. I've written stories since the day I learned to spell ;-), and I hope, hope, hope to someday be an author.
    Thanks!

    ~Ellen

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    1. Heartbreak Trail was originally a short story here on the blog (a few years ago) called "A Cattle Drive Is Not for Greenhorns." I think I took it down, but it would end up being another LOST STORY, wouldn't it! LOL It was about 20,000 words so I figured if I expanded it I could make it into a real story. :-)

      The Last Ride never had an original title. And it had four main scenes: Getting the Letter, Daniel's Arrival, and then (like a good author who wants to read the GOOD STUFF, LOL) all the scenes where Andi and Taffy dive over the cliff, etc.

      My sister read it years and years ago and CRIED.
      But NOBODY said I should let Taffy die, so that is the reason the story is not a Circle C Adventures story. When I wrote the books for teens, then it was okay to let Taffy die (for older readers). The younger kids might have freaked.

      Nah, it didn't make me sad to revise parts. Revision is my favorite part.
      I wrote these stories SO long ago, that when I rewrote them it seemed like brand new stories.

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    2. Thanks for answering those questions! You're a really strong writer if revision is your favorite part. It always makes me so sad to cut, edit, and revise, and my favorite part is just writing the story! The editing is not so bad, as English is my best subject and the one I someday hope to teach in a school, but the deleting...yuck!
      There's just one more question that I've been dying to know the answer to ever since I got on the "Andi Carter Kick" :-), and that is just this:
      If you don't mind sharing, what is your middle name? You've always gone by Susan K. Marlow, and we here on the blog call you Mrs. M or Mrs. Marlow, but, to quell my curiosity, could you please tell me what the "K." stands for?

      Thanks!

      ~Ellen

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  9. I like it! I can't think of anything else except in the last ride. I believe that Andi and Levi where helping with branding calls and Andi almost got hurt. Sid then scolded her and then forgot his place. He also scolded Levi. I don't know if I'm correct. If I'm not please feel free to correct me! (Sometimes I need a little correction)

    ~Leah

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    1. No, Leah, you remember it correctly, except that happened in "Heartbreak Trail" and not "The Last Ride."
      Mrs. Marlow, I'm having trouble downloading the Stepping Stones character trait activity pages on your site. Could you please help me? Thanks!

      ~Ellen

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    2. Whoops! It would help if I actually included the link to the PDF file. LOL
      Try it again. It should work now.

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    3. It worked. Thanks!!!

      ~Ellen

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    4. Oops! I didn't know what book it was in! I'm glad that I otherwise was correct. Thank you Ellen, for what book it was in! I was trying to figure out if that scene was in "The Last Ride" or "Heartbreak Trail" You have an awesome memory Ellen! I read the "Heartbreak Trail" abou four months ago so my memory is a bit off. I'll probably read the Adventures and Milstones again soon though. Thank you again for telling me what book it's in! I want to know all their is to know about Andi's books!

      ~Leah

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    5. I agree with you there, Leah; I, too, want to know all there is about Andi books. But the only reason I remember what book that scene was in is because I can't tell you how many times I've reread all of those books :-), and then, for my favorite scenes, I just go ahead and memorize them. And, my! If you haven't read the book in 4 months, you did an awesome job at recounting that scene! You remembered it to a T!
      To help me with remembering it all, and to also have a bit of fun, have you ever watched the American Bible Challenge? Well, instead of that, I came up with the "Andrea Carter Challenge," where I write down a whole bunch of questions on the books and quiz my siblings on them. That's great fun, and we do it on long, tiresome drives or our bored moments, and then whoever gets the most correct wins a prize.
      Here's a trivia question for you:
      "In 'Andrea Carter and the Dangerous Decision,' who was pitching the ball before Andi sent it crashing into the schoolroom window?"
      It was nice talking with you, Leah! May God bless you!

      ~Ellen

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    6. I'm sending your mugs today, Ellen. :-)
      The inserts turned out so very nice! Hope you and your friend enjoy them.
      Mrs. M

      And hmmm. . . you should email me with trivia questions for The Last Ride and Courageous Love because honestly, I promised a Trivia Contest but I never have time to think up the questions. I never would have thought of asking the one about who was pitching the ball (or catching it for that matter), so maybe you could think of questions for me. I need like 20 for each book. :-)
      Mrs. M
      p.s. I'm creating a Circle C timeline. The first page will come out next Friday for Photo Friday.

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    7. Wasn't Cory pitching the ball?
      ~Solly

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    8. Oh, wow, I'd be thrilled to do that! It might take a little while, as I reread the books to get good questions, but if you want me to I'd absolutely love to come up with questions! Courageous Love and The Last Ride are both such good books, so it'll be really fun!
      Thanks for sending out the mugs. I'm sure I'll love them; I plan on keeping my writing utensils in it.
      Oh, cool--a Circle C timeline! I'll look forward to that!
      Thanks again! When do you think the mugs will arrive? I'm getting excited...

      ~Ellen

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    9. Yes, go for it, Ellen. I'd be thrilled not to have to think about it. :-)
      I mailed the mugs today from Catheys Valley, CA, First Class. I'd say 4-5 days to get back East. :-)

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    10. And nope, it wasn't Cory pitching the ball. :-)

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    11. Alright, then, I'll do it! Thanks so much for this opportunity! It'll be great fun; I've already started on questions for The Last Ride. I think I'll have the ones for The Last Ride ready by next Saturday. Will that work? Then I'll start on Courageous Love.
      Thanks for telling me when those mugs will get here! I'm looking forward to giving one to my friend, along with a copy of her own Long Ride Home. Then my own mug will sit on my "Andi Carter Shelf." :-)
      Thanks again, for all of this!

      ~Ellen

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    12. Hi Ellen, I have read Dangerous Decision 2-3 times but I don't know if this is right. Was it Jack that pitched the ball? Sorry about not replying to you until later, I forget where I comment sometimes and come across them later.

      ~Leah

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    13. Good try, Leah, but it was Johnny Wilson. Jack Goodwin was the catcher :-). That was a wonderful try, though! Sometimes it's hard to remember details like that. If you'd like, you can give me a trivia question. It's fun to answer questions on Andi Carter!

      ~Ellen

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  10. Heartbreak trail was the scolding trouble with treasurer was the head dunking last ride was the Miss Andi part and last but not lest thick as thieves was the girl-child part. Did I get that correct?

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    1. Very close. On Tuesday you will see the scene that I actually rewrote especially for Trouble with Treasure. It's a combination of this first scene but includes friends with a twist. :-)

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Let Andi know what you think!