Saturday, March 21, 2015

Rewriting a Scene . . . by Anne

Anne (a former contest winner) rewrote the race between Andi and Cory from Cory's point of view. If anybody else wants to sharpen their skills at writing points of views, I encourage you to grab a "favorite" scene and rewrite it. It would be interesting to read a scene from . . . say . . . Mr. Foster's point of view or from Jenny Grant's or . . . well . . . anything. 

Check out yesterday's post on "Point of View" if you're not sure what all this means.


A scene from chapter 1 of Dangerous Decision rewritten from Cory’s perspective. 
by Anne

       “Go!” I dug my heels into my horse’s side as I heard that word. My best friend Andi Carter and I were doing what we loved best: horse racing.
       I was sure I was going to win. I had to win. This was my, Cory Blake’s, one and only chance to beat Andrea Carter, one of the best riders on this side of the Sierras.
      We bolted forward at the same instant, and started down J Street side by side. As I was nearing the home of the local newspaper, a wagon suddenly veered out in front of me, fear gripped my stomach as I swerved frantically to the right, missing the wagon by mere inches and sending splinters spiraling towards my face. 
       As I galloped on I could hear the irritated driver bellowing after us, “Ya shouldn’t be racing in the streets, ya scoundrels, I got half a mind to bring the police down on you!”
     
As I made the sharp pivot onto Tulare Street I urged Flash faster and gave a quick glance upward.  Andi had pulled a small distance ahead of me during my unexpected episode, but I was quickly gaining on her and would have the lead in no time.
       I saw Andi flick a nervous look in her brother’s attorney office’s direction, no doubt afraid that her oldest brother would catch her red-handed in her latest activity.
      This is my chance! I thought to myself. I surged forward and soon gained the lead.My pride swelled; if I could keep this pace up I would win! But all my happiness soon melted away like a pad of butter on a hot summer’s day, as Andi prodded her horse so that we were side by side once again. 
      “You’re never gonna beat me, Cory Blake!” she shouted into my ear, smiling impishly.   
      “Just you wait and see.” I challenged back.
      We were now in the Kincaid Vineyards, one of the prettiest places in the entire town. But this was no time to sight see. I could now see a vague form waving a red bandana. With a sudden motion, Andi dug her heels deeper into her horse’s flank. She flashed a look of triumph over at me as she snagged the piece of cloth from the flag-bearer’s hand.
       A frown burrowed deeper and deeper into my face as I watched the figure of Andi shrink further and further away. “Come on, Flash,” I encouraged my steed, “You can beat ol’ Taffy any day. Ya just have to try!”
       I focused my attention on the ground before me and pressed my heels harder. Flash’s lope immediately increased. After a minute at the augmented speed, I was only a mere 5 yards away from Andi. She once again whipped her head around and presented a wicked smile.  
       Terror seized my body as I saw the scene that happened next. While Andi had been turned towards me, a middle-aged man, nose buried in a book, had started across the street. Now, still unbeknownst to both Andi and the man, they were moments away from a severe collision.
       “Andi! Look out!” I hollered frantically. My warning came just in the nick of time. Andi pulled hard on Taffy’s reigns and swerved her to the left. A cloud of dust billowed up as man fell to the ground in a heap.
Andi and Taffy; Cory and Flash (yes, I know Flash is not a pinto. No time to Photoshop today)

 

5 comments:

  1. Great job, Anne! I really like it :D

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  2. Great job Anne! I like it! :)

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  3. POV is really fun to play with. Good job Anne! Susan, did you get my POV story I entered?

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Let Andi know what you think!