Monday, March 30, 2015

Fans' Point of View stories #7 . . . Kaitlyn

Here is a point of view scene from the Goldtown Adventures, written by Kaitlyn! It is from Badge of Honor, after the kids find an injured Strike-it-rich Sam. Nathan has gone back to town for help, and Ellie and Jem are alone. Jem leaves to bring back water for Strike and find Canary, the donkey, who has wandered off. The original chapter is from Jem's POV and what happens to him. We don't know what Ellie is doing as she waits with Strike. And now we do, thanks to this scene from Ellie's POV.

            
I wrote one of those different POV scenes…. here it is!  It's from that scene in the Goldtown book #1, Badge of Honor, when Jem is going to find Canary to bring water back to Ellie & Strike.  This is written from Ellie's POV.  It starts right when Jem is leaving:

Ellie Coulter watched her brother, Jem, disappear into the shadows of the forest, her courage fading with each of his steps. She looked intently at the campfire, as if the flames could calm the uneasiness causing a knot to form in the pit of her stomach.
            Something’s going to happen to Jem; I just know it! she thought. Maybe I should follow him...  she shook her head vigorously. No, he told me to stay here with Strike. But what if something really does happen to him, and he gets hurt because I wasn’t there to help? But then again, what could I do that he couldn’t? He’s just going to go find Canary, get the water, and bring it back here.  That’s all.  What could go wrong?  
           
Ellie was thinking so intently that she didn’t hear Strike stir until he weakly called out, “Jem!”
            Ellie hurried to Strike’s side, where he was trying with all his might to sit up. “Strike, you’re supposed to be sleeping!” Ellie cried, gently pushing Strike back down. “Jem went to find Canary and bring back some water.  He’ll be back soon.”
            Strike weakly grasped her arm.  “Gotta... go... stop him,” he whispered. “Frenchy and his men... big gold strike... very dangerous.” he closed his eyes, exhausted.
            Ellie bit her lip, unsure of what to do.  Frenchy’s out here?  If Strike is right, then I’ve got to go warn him before it’s too late!  She made up her mind.
            “Nugget!  Here, Nugget!” she called softly.  The dog trotted up to her. “Nugget, stay here with Strike,” Ellie told him, squatting down & scratching him behind the ears. “I’m sorry, boy, but somebody’s got to protect him, and I’ve got to go find Jem without you barking.  I’m sorry, boy.”  And with that she stood up and walked out of the circle of light from the fire, not looking back.
            Now that she was on her way, Ellie realized that she didn’t know which way Jem had gone. God, where do I go now? Please show me the way. Ellie continued walking, eyes alert for any clue as to where her brother had gone. Where would I go if I were looking for Canary? In the direction of Canary’s “singing”, of course!  But... what if Jem got off course? It’s so dark, and I can’t even see where I’m going, so how would Jem, and where is his path, anyway-  she stopped with a jolt. There, right in front of her, was an obvious path that someone- or something- had taken. Well, I guess this is my best choice, she thought.
            After walking for what seemed like hours, Ellie broke out into the open. What met her eyes made her gasp. A flume! So that’s why the creek dried up so fast! She spotted Canary, tied to the flume.  
            “Canary!” She walked up to the animal cautiously, amazed that he hadn’t started “singing” yet.  She was about to untie him when she saw the canteen.  If the canteen’s here, and Canary’s here, but Jem’s not, and that was his trail I followed... then that could only mean one thing!  Fear began creeping in on her. If I follow the flume, it’ll probably lead to Frenchy’s camp.  But when I get there, what am I going to do?  Ellie started walking.  I’ll figure that out when the time comes, she thought decidedly.  
            Ellie slipped into the trees, staying in sight of the flume. Following the flume was easy. Ellie stumbled a few times, but the stars gave enough light to see the flume; yet it was still dark.  
            A verse popped into her head. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me... 
            Finally, Ellie spotted a fire. Approaching cautiously, she slipped back into the trees.  Then she spotted her brother. Jem! Oh, why did you have to let yourself get caught? Well, I guess you couldn’t help it. She watched angrily as Frenchy tied Jem to a tree, stretching the prisoner’s arms so that he was in obvious pain.  
            God, what do I do?  She watched Frenchy and his comrades bed down.  Finally, when it was dark and they appeared to be asleep, she dashed to where her brother was tied.



7 comments:

  1. Oh, that's really good! Great job Kaitlyn!! :D

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  2. I love it! It's so fun to see something from Ellie's POV! Great job, Kaitlyn!
    You sure got a lot of story's for this assignment, Mrs. M!

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  3. Excellent job, Kaitlyn! I enjoyed this story from Ellie's POV.

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  4. Super! I am really enjoying all of these POV stories!

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  5. Great job, Kaitlyn... That makes me want to go back and read the book again ;)

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  6. Wow, this is really good! Great job.

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Let Andi know what you think!